Magnificent Male Strip Club
by Narro
Summary: Three OC's. The ninjutsu to become beautiful men. No money, no supervision...Naruto world, branch off of my other story, I Am Ninja IAN . Please R&R!


Narro: Okay, I promised this a long time ago but never…eh. All my peeps are updating and I feel that I need to pull up my bootstraps and get to it. So I hope you all like it. This is an offshoot of IAN, which…I srlsy need to get to.

Kyouya: Yes, yes you do…¬¬

Narro: Don't make me feel worse than I do. I swear I will try working on that next. Alright, Read, Rate and Review!

The dark street was only lit up by neon signs in the restaurant and hotel windows. It had rained a few days before so the night was full of moisture, and the temperature was just right- warm, but cool enough so you didn't break out into a sweat after some light walking. However, none of this was noticed by the girls. They were far too engrossed in cussing out their hotel.

"Son of a-"

"Nika!" Mika scolded the taller girl.

"Bah, anyway, they should reimburse us, at least!" Nika crossed her arms angrily, ears flat against her hair. Kyo looked rather pissed off as well.

"They won't reimburse us, the sign on the front said, 'Not responsible for lost or stolen property!'" The redhead tugged at her hair angrily.

"Don't do that, Kyo-chan. You'll pull it out," Mika dug into her pouch and holster, trying to find some spare change. They, the girls and the boys, had all been victims to hotel room thievery. All together, they had accumulated quite a sum of Ryo, and thus very irritating that it all had been swiped in the same night.

"Tch, where'd the guys run off to?" Nika growled at a passing drunkard, who swayed in their direction and just as quickly, sashayed off in the opposite way.

"I don't know, I have a feeling they're looking for _us_," remarked Mika, looking around curiously. "Um, where are we?"

She was given the answer of silence and puzzled looks.

"I really don't know, but it doesn't matter anyway because we need money to do anything!" Kyo cried out, stomping her foot. Passing pedestrians raised their eyebrows at the trio of kunoichis, and hurried by.

Nika sighed, and turned her head to look at the building next to her. It was a curious building, with women going in all giggly, and women coming out with very red faces. It occurred to her that this place was a male stripper bar…and the light bulb flashed over the lion eared kunoichis head.

"Hey, I have an idea…"

He was about to slit his own throat. Seriously, you'd think that attractive men would flock to a male stripper bar and show off for the women. The pay wasn't bad either, and tips made up for the hours. The manager rubbed his forehead; his fingers were crowded with rings and bulky stones. Somehow, he was down three guys tonight, all sick with the same STD. He figured they were all into that threesome stuff, they had the look.

"Excuse me, are you the manager?" a shy voice at his shoulder asked.

"Yeah, what is it?" He turned to find three girls-they looked like ninjas to him- looking at him from the doorway of his office.

"We understand you need three guys for tonight's shift," the one with the weird ears looked at him directly, a half grin slashed across her face. They had approached the host and asked ahead to see if they needed help already.

"Well, yes. But if you girls haven't noticed-hey, are you all even old enough to be in here?" he scowled.

"Yeah, we're old enough," the red head answered, examining the fire escape plan on his wall.

"Hm, well if you girls haven't noticed, this is a MALE strip club, so…"

"Yes…we noticed," Kyo hummed, eyes closed in pleasant thought. When they had walked in, there had been a young man on the pole, dancing away as energetically as he pleased with only very tight undergarments and the typical tie around his neck. Needless to say, Nika had to make sure she held on tight to both her friends, who seemed mesmerized by the sight of a navel ring do the hula.

At the manager's blank look, Mika hurried to reassure the man. "We ah, we have in our possession….crap, Nika, you do it!" The Nakamura stroked the green haired girl's hair soothingly.

"We have three young men who would be willing to do a show for some cash up front. We promise they can practically read the customer's minds, and they are very varied," Nika explained clearly.

"Oh?" That sounded nice. "What types are they?" The dirty blonde one paused for a moment in reflection.

"One is the shy guy, one is the almost-too-pretty-to-be-a-guy, and the other is….well, think samurai meets ninja," Kyo suggested, discreetly stealing some sugar packets.

"Oh? How much, if it's only one show?" He did not feel the need to vigorously thank them, as only one of the three actually had to perform while the other two worked at the bar and waited on tables.

They came to some monetary agreement, and the manager told them to send their clients (haha, clients) to the back alley by the door and the girls will let them in. Ironically, the floor manager was a woman, who would coordinate where they were best suited to work.

The girls rushed out to the alley and congregated behind a dumpster.

"It's only for one show, and therefore it will be a brief embarrassment," Mika muttered into her cupped hands. "I can't believe you talked us into this, Nika-kun!" Said Nakamura smiled at her friend.

"This, will actually be fun Mika-chan. You'll see, "she reassured.

"Do we go in naked?" was all Kyo volunteered to ask.

"I'm sure they will give us a costume, or something…" Mika fretted. "We should start transforming," and they each formed the hand seal.

"One,"

"Two,"

"Three!"

PFF! PFF! PFF!

Three young men in strange clothing stood where the three kunoichis had. Mika opened her-ah, _his_ eyes warily. She rarely did this jutsu, and was still not accustomed to its startling visual effect. The jutsu transformed one into the opposite sex, and displayed what each person thinks is attractive. So, when Naruto uses his jutsu, he retains his hair color, but he does not necessarily have to have it blonde. Because he is so used to petite women with large bosoms, he transforms into that. So it was there, in that dirty, pebbly, dark alleyway that that three teenagers instantly had a sex change…and even though the moon and stars cast beautiful shadows across the stones of the buildings surrounding them, there was nothing romantic about their mission. Just stupidity.

Mika didn't especially have a preferred height in males, so she ended up medium in height, but kept her green hair and green eyes. She had medium length spiky hair that ended halfway down her neck at its longest. Her frame was midsized, with neither a buff or skimpy body.

"I thought you liked short men, Mika-ch-er! I mean, Mikaru-kun!" the long red haired guy beside her chuckled. Kyo, who ironically, did not need to change her name, and was only slightly taller than normal. Her body was slim, but muscle was evident anyway. Her eye and hair color did not change, since she figured if she changed it to black, she might be mistaken for _her_ love interest, Itachi.

"Yes, I thought so too," rumbled Nikamaru. Her height did not change much either, maybe half a foot at most. She changed her hair to a darker dirty blonde, and she was lithe in muscle. She removed her ears for normal human ears, but kept her markings. She added an earring in her left ear just for kicks.

"Oh, my god Nika!" the horrified earth user pointed at her friend. Nika looked down in alarm, but found nothing amiss. Kyo laughed.

"You look like your father!" The Nakamura's hands flew to her chin and found some facial hair. She tugged on it experimentally.

"Hm…never knew I liked that," she remarked. While the trio were whispering amongst themselves, a woman flung open the door haphazardly and wildly looked around for the substitutes. Surprised, the threesome looked at her balefully.

"Well, are you coming in or not?" the woman barked. They trotted over quickly, deciding the woman was probably stressed enough and didn't need any backtalk. The woman, her name tag dubbed her Kris, was quite frazzled. First, three of her boys didn't show up, then the customers started throwing more than the usual thongs at the dancers, and then the main attraction goes and has a mishap with some body butter. Needless to say, this was not a good night for the manager. The boys the Boss had hired for the showing tonight seemed sturdy enough, but she still had doubts.

Kris led them through a maze of dressing and make up rooms, all densely populated by staff and dancers in various stages of undress or relaxation. "Get back to work!" Kris snapped, waving at a few of the busboys, who swung their tighty whitey clad buns at her saucily on the way out. Kyo snapped her fingers in front of Mika's eyes loudly.

"Earth to Mika-kun, pay attention!" Not that Kyo was one to talk: while her heart was given away, her eyes were firmly her own to sneak a few glances at the bishies that were literally sprawled out before her.

Kris turned around and surveyed her temporary employees, and then introduced herself

"Alright, so which of you is dancing, and which of you are going to be serving drinks? I have a bar position open, and a waiter position. I only have one dancing slot open," Kris explained, running her fingers through her hair trying to calm herself down.

Mika was a tad nervous about accepting the waiter position, but since she was _definitely_ not going to get up on that stage and wag her ass around for a bunch of rabid women. She knew how rabid women operated, considering she could get pretty rabid herself. Kyo had already taken the bar position, which was just as well. All those glass bottles…

Which left Nika with the naughty booty dancing, which suited her just fine. Tromping through the woods with a bunch of stiff backed idiots like Itachi and Shino had made her tense, and she needed some Nakamura nature, the wildness to take over for a little while. Kris directed them to their battle stations, giving them a brief summary of their duties and their mannerisms, and then shooed Nika into the backroom to prepare.

Mika was actually quite adept at serving young women drinks. They cooed and smiled at her, and actually delighted in conversation. They found her adorable (quite frankly, so did she) bothered her about her costume. She wore a silk neck tie, starched cuffs and very trim short shorts that were probably really spandex underwear, but for her modesty sake she pretended they were shorts. The women asked her if she was seeing anyone. She only blushed to thee tips of her ears and scampered away like some fuzzy forest animal.

Kyo on the other hand was quite the charmer. Somehow it was easier to flirt and be cool around women who shared similar interests as her: such as cute, bishonen boys! Her ninja skills allowed her to do Tom Cruise's bottle flips and twists quite easily and thanks to her deep red hair and startling green eyes, she was very popular and received handsome tips. She finished cooing at a young bunch of girls at one end of the bar, deftly pouring four drinks at once and still wondering where the one chick at the end got those shoes. Kyo's costume was very similar to Mika's, only she wore tight pants instead. They looked shockingly like fine leather.

Kyo looked over (using her elevated height) their patrons excited heads to throw a questioning glance at Mika. Mika shrugged, tilted her head when some strangely familiar music began to play from the DJ's booth, and smiled nervously.

_I'm too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love_

_Love's going to leave me!_

_I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt_

_So sexy it hurts_

_And I'm too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan_

_New York and Japan!_

Nika came sauntering out behind a curtain, heading directly for a shiny strippers pole in the middle of the platform. Horrified, Mika almost dropped her tray (not that anyone else would notice!). Kyo immediately began rocking on her feet, trying to keep standing while laughing her lungs out. The women began singing along to the music, and only began screaming when Nika's shirt came off. Right around the time of the line, "I do my little turn on the catwalk" Nika slid her discarded shirt down her back and mimicked rubbing it on her butt like a towel, and threw it into the audience. Grasping, drunken women's hands snatched at the material, but it inevitably landed on poor Mika's head. Mika was then attacked by a horde of fan girls, of both herself and of Nika's while Kyo tried to reign in her own fans from joining in by displaying how the water fountain spot looked marvelous when its waters ran down her naked chest.

This was how the men found them. Shino's kadaicha brought them into the darkened club expecting to find the girls huddled in some corner drunk as skunks. Having never even considered the possibility of there being such a thing in this world as a MALE strip club, the men overlooked the obvious signs of naughtiness at the door. The male disguises the girls wore were not very good at hiding their identities to their traveling companions, and so what they saw disgusted them. Nika was just at that moment rubbing up against the pole like some sex starved cat in only a pair of boxers, twisting her male body about rather liberally for all and anyone to see. Kyo was currently having a water gun fight with weaponless young, hormonal women who were quite happy to squeal and turn the hose on Kyo herself. Mika was currently standing on a stool, holding her tray as high as she could hold it and batting away roaming hands at the same time. Her emerald bangs fell into her eyes and made her temporarily blind, which also encourages lack of balance as she was constantly wobbling atop her perch.

Shino immediately walked out in a flurry of disgruntled beetles, with women practically throwing themselves across tables to avoid his path. Itachi and Kisame were both dumbstruck, but Kisame looked very uncomfortable as the crush and possible love of his life was toying around with a male body that wasn't his….was it wrong he thought she was cute even as a boy?

Itachi made a "Feh" noise and promptly swooped out of the hovel of scum that did not deserve his attentions. Several women tried to follow, but Kyo, noticing the group, lassoed the deserters with her trusty fountain hose and ordered them to leave her love alone causing several of the less seasoned ones to begin to bleed from the nose.

Deidara merely plucked Mika from the stool, threw her over his shoulder (eliciting several excited gasps doing so) and walked out of the bar.

Nika kept dancing.

Epilogue:

It took quite awhile for Shino to allow Nika to even walk within four feet of him, and once he did allow close companionship, he continued to lecture her on the appropriateness of dancing like a single-minded, horny alley cat. Nika shook it off easily, only giving her companion her best fanged grin to remind him of just who he was dealing with. Deidara and Mika both decided (mutually) never to mention the event again, and only allude to a time when Mika acquired a large amount of money in a short amount of time which brought them through the next paycheck. Deidara almost mentioned how cute she was as a boy, but decided that he should hold all four of his tongues this time. Mika wondered if that would be the only time she was shirtless so close to Deidara.

Itachi refused to even notice the fact that Kyo existed half the time of their being traveling companions, so there wasn't much stern conversation on his part. Kyo had little to say about herself but rather chattered away about Itachi's strong and distinguished demeanor of how he handled himself inside that awkward place. Kisame was still plagued with troubling questions about his sexuality and his dilemma in competing with Itachi, who wasn't competing consciously at all.

Nika still sometimes danced.


End file.
